


Stink Turtle

by IAmYourCaptainNow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Inspired by a terrible reddit post, Stink turtle, This is cracky af, mention of oral sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24958537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmYourCaptainNow/pseuds/IAmYourCaptainNow
Summary: Rey was so proud of Ben's poetry that she had to show it to his parents.  Leia is thrilled.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	Stink Turtle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenOfCarrotFlowers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfCarrotFlowers/gifts), [van1lla_v1lla1n](https://archiveofourown.org/users/van1lla_v1lla1n/gifts).



Leia looked into Rey's hopeful, excited eyes and fiercely elbowed Han before he could say anything that would dim her daughter-in-law's light. No matter how atrocious the sonnet her son had written for his wife was, Rey loved it and was, in fact, so proud of it that she was sharing his…poetry...with Leia and Han. 

Honestly though, "sumptuous flaps?" _"Stink turtle?"_ What was her son thinking? He'd even used his old pen name from high school. It must be Luke's influence. That man was hopeless with women.

It was beautifully written in Ben's masterful calligraphy, at least. Disregarding the content, it truly was a work of art. 

"Rey, honey, thank you for sharing this with us. It's really quite…striking, but are you sure Ben didn't mean for this to be a private gift?" ever the diplomat, was Leia. She stomped on Han's foot when she heard him open his mouth. She was sure she heard him mutter _stink turtle_ under his breath. 

"Oh no, mom, he is really very proud of _Ode to the Flaps_! He began writing it a few months after we met," Rey chirped fondly. "It was right after the first time he stirred my vulva with his tongue, and compared my clitoris to a turtle poking its head up his nostril." Rey spoke the last sentence lovingly, without a drop of embarrassment, no blush, not even a pause for effect, but, as she watched her parents' reactions, she began to look a bit worried. _Oh no!_ Leia thought, _How could I have forgotten that the poor girl hadn't been raised with any kind of boundaries?_

Leia rushed to reassure her. She smiled broadly and held the sonnet to her heart. "Oh, well, in that case, may I keep it for a while? I'll display it prominently so we can all admire it."

This time it was Han who pinched her ass and grunted behind her. He opened his fool mouth again and she simply placed her hand over his lips lovingly and bared her teeth in a smile. "We'd be honored to have it in our house, wouldn't we, dear?" she ground out, digging her heel into his toes for emphasis. 

Han nodded grumpily and licked the palm of her hand in revenge. He'd pay for that later. 

With one final squeeze of her scoundrel husband's cheeks, Leia turned back to a slightly bemused Rey. "With your permission, _Ode to the Flaps_ is going up in a place of honor," Leia assured her as she ushered her towards the kitchen. "Right here! It will be one of the first things I see in the morning!" 

At Rey's happy nod, Leia affixed the sonnet to the fridge using a little turtle magnet. _Fitting,_ she thought, barely holding in her laughter. This was a small price to pay for her (admittedly odd) children's happiness, and she very much looked forward to Luke's upcoming visit.

"Rey, I know I've said this before, but I'm so happy that you and Ben found one another. I can't imagine him with anyone else," Leia's words rang with sincerity as she hugged her daughter. She truly couldn't imagine anyone else being this delighted to have their genitals compared to an odorous reptile. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> So. This little scene popped into my head and wouldn't go away. There was no way Leia wasn't going to stick that abomination on her fridge. 
> 
> For those who don't know, Ode to the Flaps is an combination of two very similar AI-generated sonnets inspired by a terrible reddit post. I took the best (worst) lines from both.
> 
> My Twitter post linking and explaining all of it (like anyone who wasn't involved is even reading this) is [here](https://twitter.com/kookoocachooooo/status/1276210836181258241?s=19), along with several terrible quote gifs.


End file.
